Major Van Harl USAF Ret

Watch Me Lock My Brother in the Gun Safe 

 Major Van Harl USAF Ret


 The local Gander Mountain store went belly up in Franklin, WS. I was in there trying to find some deals. Knocking 15% off of something that is way over priced is not really a good deal.As I continuedl looking for that good deal an older man ran up to the gun counter and told the associate to stop what he was doing. The older man's grandson was locked inside one of the gun safes on display. You could kind of see the exasperation on the face of the associate. At first I was not even going to pay attention, then the crowd started to form around the safe and the police and fire fighters showed up.

The Gander Mountain associates were trying to get the electronic key pad lock system to open the safe but it had been “messed” with too many times. You see, there were two dumb ass brothers. The older fourteen-ish looking one crawled inside the safe and the younger, chunkier one closed the door and messed with the key pad. When the chunky, dumb ass, brother could not get the safe lock to unlock, older dumb ass brother started to panic. This is when grandpa got involved. I spoke to one of the associates after it was all over and I asked if someone could climb into the safe and lock themselves in. The answer was “no.” So my next questions was, “Did chunky dumb ass brother lock the older boy in the safe?” The answer was, “yes” The brand of the safe is not important. The safe did nothing wrong and the company does not need any negative press. The safe company was on the phone line trying to talk the Gander associates through getting the safe open. The problem was after chunky dumb ass brother messed with the key pad, the pad

automatically went into a 20 minute time out where you could not use the system. Of course grandpa was unhappy and wanted dumb ass older brother out of the safe now, not in twenty minutes. The safe was not air tight; no one was going to suffocate. The dumb ass older brother started whining from inside the safe that he was uncomfortable and grandpa insisted that they break into the safe. Remember when you were a little kid and the nice fire fighters came to your school and gave you a demonstration on how they use the jaws of life to rip open a wrecked car and extract a person and bring them to safety? Well they have battery powered jaws of life now and they tore up that safe getting dumb ass older brother out. After the extraction I asked the lead fire fighter if they had ever broken into a safe before to rescue anyone- they had not.

The representative from the safe company told the Franklin, Wisconsin fire fighters there had been one other incident where someone had to be extracted from one of their safes. My impression was that it too was also a dumb ass case. I asked the grandfather if he thought he would get a discount on the damaged safe when he bought it. He was not happy with my question. He truly believed it was the Gander Mountain store's problem not his. John Wayne is alleged to have said “life is hard and it is harder if your are stupid.” I know you are suppose to take it easy on kids, but in this case a kid could have died. Dumb ass chunky brother was not going to tell his grandfather what he had done. You had to be right next to the safe to hear the boy inside. I

heard that older brother used his cell phone to call for help from inside the safe. I guess grandpa would have figured out something was wrong when it was time to leave the store and only one grandson was present. Of course, call 911 and we all know all the emergency needs of the dumb ass family were going to be met. There were three cops, six fire fighter (may be more) and a half a dozen Grander Mountain associates attending the safe and the problems that the dumb ass family created

. I sadly remember as a child the stories of children putting other children inside old refrigerators and locking them in, only to have the child inside suffocate. I guess grandpa also remembered these tragic stories because he insisted that oxygen be pumped into the safe so dumb ass older brother could breath. He was told by the associates who were on the phone to the safe company that the safe was not air tight and there would be no breathing problem. Not good enough for grandpa. So the oxygen got pumped in. I wonder who paid for the oxygen?

So, I guess safes are not really safe if dumb ass people are in close proximity. Who gets left holding the bag with the un-repairable safe? I did go back to the Gander Mountain and asked about the safe. It had been removed to the back storage room and according to one associate grandpa was most likely going to get charged for the damaged safe. Do you think he will come by to pick up the safe and let his dumb ass grandsons play with it at home?

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 Major Van Harl USAF Ret
Major Van Harl
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